If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Efficiency is intelligent laziness. - David Dunham

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions. - Ian Percy

If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade.

The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it. - H.L. Mencken, Minority Report, 1956

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time. - H.L. Mencken

"This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation."

— Robert Benchley