If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade.

The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it. - H.L. Mencken, Minority Report, 1956

Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time. - H.L. Mencken

"This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation."

— Robert Benchley